


was it worth it?

by irl_hellraiser



Category: Ao no Exorcist | Blue Exorcist
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Light Angst, but like shes dead so, i love this man okay, implied shuri, shiro centric
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-08
Updated: 2020-10-08
Packaged: 2021-03-08 03:20:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 887
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26898832
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/irl_hellraiser/pseuds/irl_hellraiser
Summary: The blue night left scars on everyone involved.
Comments: 2
Kudos: 31





	was it worth it?

**Author's Note:**

> hey heya, short one shot for today, Shiro based! yay! all i know is angst sorry if this is sad but its got a nice happy ending, enjoy scoundrels.

The blue night left a scar on everyone involved. Whether it was physical or mental for him, Shiro wasn’t sure.

The events that unfolded that night thirteen years ago were still burned into his mind, like the flames he saw all that time ago, deeply etched in his memory. Scenes played on repeat before his eyes when he couldn’t sleep at night, and when he did finally drift off, they continued as dreams. It was simply inescapable. The damage of the past was permanent.

Shiro wondered, still, if any of it was worth it- that maybe he should have died in the wasteland next to Yuri, or before that when Satan possessed him and he had to slit his own throat to stop it. The twins could have found a better home, and nicer family, or even died off there with him and their mother. He could have even killed them himself. _A fitting end for Satan spawn, don’t you think?_

He had hated them, when they were born. The second he laid eyes on the first, the eldest, the white haired menace that killed an entire room of exorcists seconds after coming out, he swore to kill it. All because he had swore before to never stand down to a demon, to never give one peace and kill all of them in his way.

Shiro swore to never be anything like Yuri- _because it got her killed_ \- because he was _scared_.

He remembers gripping the hilt of the sword, sweat running down his neck and anger and rage filling him from top to bottom as he attempted to drive it into the demon child. He remembers blue flames and blood and death and god damn it the _screaming_ \- he remembers it all. To the last detail and second, and only heaven knows how much he wishes he could forget.

It’s thirteen years later, and Shiro Fujimoto still cannot forget.

If it’s not the blue night, it’s Yuri dying in his arms, and if it’s not that, it’s him failing to love her before she left forever. These endless loops that Shiro unintentionally finds himself in feel like torture that he relives everyday. The only thing making it better is the Satan spawn he failed to kill just thirteen years prior to the present.

Shiro was just as shocked to find out he would raise them. It was his fault, really, for not killing them, and _damn_ Mephisto’s fault for being the skeeviest piece of shit in the world. But he also couldn’t say he regretted it. 

He thinks he trained Yukio well, to be an exorcist. Rin has a long way to go, he realizes, in maturing, but he’s just the gentle soul Shiro wanted him to be- just like Yuri. His big heart and exuberance makes up for the quiet and closed off twin that the priest took under his wing, and Yukio’s reserved outlook is just what will protect Rin when the time comes, when Shiro can’t be there for them.

It’s eventual, he knows it. He can’t live forever, and with Satan breathing down his neck, he can feel his days being numbered. Like a clock ticking down, or a slow trickle of water that will someday stop. He's going to die.

Yukio will be there for his brother, he hopes. _Maybe_.

It’s thirteen years after the blue night, and Shiro is watching his sons walk home from school, Rin with scratches from a recent fight, and Yukio with his neat uniform untouched from the day's activities. They’re walking one ahead of the other, Yukio ahead of Rin, always with much more swagger to his step and his head held high. Rin was hunched, embarrassed, it seemed.

They’re thirteen years old, and only one of them knows about the secret of their heritage.

A smile breaks out on Shiro’s worn but glowing face, welcoming the twins back home in the monastery. His eyes crinkle slightly at the edges behind his red tinted glasses. It’s been thirteen years. It’s been thirteen years, and he’s happy. _Finally._

“Rin! You didn’t get into another fight, now, did you?” he casually throws out, a humorous chuckle passing his comment as less of a jab and more of a joke. _Finally_.

The teen just scoffs, pulling his arms close to himself in defense. His dark brows furrowed, and his equally dark hair fell in his face. “Like it’s your business, old man.” he says disdainfully. Shiro laughs, because he knows Rin isn’t angry with him, and neither father with son.

The taller boy pushes up his glasses, a soft smile playing on his lips at the exchange in front of him, but he says nothing. It’s best that way.

Shiro chuckles again to himself, a happy sound, because he _is_ happy. Because even if Yuri is gone, and the blue night happened, and he is raising the sons of the devil, he’s happy. Thirteen happy years with two sons he loves more than the world, thirteen years of raising them to be the best men they can be- better than him, at the least. It’s what Yuri would have wanted.

The blue night left scars on everyone involved, but to Shiro, to see Yuri’s children grow up before his eyes, it was all worth it in the end.


End file.
